errr....

ok, i found some note that i wrote a year ago (dated 13th june 05) when i was flipping through my drawer last night. it's a little private but, what the hell.. who cares...

10th june was aishah's bday, i bought her her a pair of socks and made her a bday card. Awesome.
so, almost a month now, i didnt write anything. Well, last wednesday, i tend to watch a movie with Dez and what a coincidence, SHINO asked him out as well. But Dez rather watch a movie with him than me and so they went together and leave me at the bus-stop. Dez did ask me whether i wanted to go or not.. but i have no air-time in my phone to reply him that i really wanted to go. this is my only chance to hang out with SHINO and yet he blew it. so, i was so mad, i message dez (by using jarut's phone) as i reached home, telling him how mad i was. as a result, he told SHINO and yes he knows..

well, during their chemistry tuition, SHINO asked dez "so how's thing with u n nurul?" hehehe. he did concern aBOut me!!!! i was so happy when dez told me and im singging while showered and instead of putting the hair conditioner on my hair, i put it on all over my body..

anyway, i got carried away with this small things. just imagined SHINO tell me "i love you" @ "i like you" ... I'LL DEFINATELY FAINTED..!!!

LOL...what a memory i had when i was doing my sixth form. crazy about someone for 3 years but end up, NOTHING.. SHINO HAPPEN TO BE MY CLASSMATE for 2 years and i had a crush with him since i was in form 4, AND I BARELY SPEAK WITH HIM... malu bah...

this is a living prove, that i can't keep "things" to myself... LoL
:P

^-^

how about......a little chat?

i was wondering, since all the football manager in english premier league cant stand each other, let alone to see eye to eye, i'll have them to sit and talk , have a little chat with me at any local kopitiam here, in Kuching.. or better, i'll organized some tea party for them..

im really curious about the team, the management, their thoughts about their team and their future goals.

haha, you see, here's the list of the must-come-manager to my little tea party..ngahahahahah


1) rafa benitez (spaniard/ liverpool fc)
gENIUS!!! SOME MIGHT SAID, HE'S CRAZY..NAHHHH

2) arsene wenger (french/ arsenal fc)
SUPER-DUPER COOL DUDE

3) sir alex fergie (english/ManU fc)
PLAIN PROFESSIONAL MANAGER

4) mark hughes (welsh/ blacburn rover fc)
NO COMMENT ON THIS ONE

*********dont know how to arranged the pictures********

i dont think i want to invite jose mourinho (chelsea fc) and alan pardew (west ham united) to my little tea party.. why? both of them are good friend, and pardew used to slap wenger in their last meeting and i just cant stand mourinho mockery..

IM tryING to spread love here Y'ALL..
but with both of them in my little tea party?? MATI SARAWAK!

She Spider : Mew

after we go to sleep
our sun rise
i will make it the truth of painfully helping me up cover things
i wish i never had found

confident
tangled up in a nice life
put the spider in you
watching in
disregard
you live a nice life
with the spider in you

i saved myself for someone, somewhere's sweet caress
something goes wrong
and all i sought was happiness

and so
in right wing fashion
we'll nurture xenophobia
and be strong
in right wing fashion
with paste and generosity
because no one is safe
from someone, somewhere's sweet embrace
and so i have simply decided to dislike you now.

*didnt really get what's the song is all about, but i really adore the beat!!!

the fray???

I just love this band. love it when they're playing live. Better marh!!!!
And The Danish band called Mew too. But the vocalist really need to practise a lot. kinda suck when it comes to live.

okey, most of my friends from school are now back in Kuching. dont really wanna see them lah. Kinda embarassing. they probably changed a lot and me? kinda still the same. only with the straighten hair.

Yesterday, went to some relatives house for the"fairwell ceremony" cause some grandma want to go to Mecca ~menunaikan Hajj~..."pilgrimage". then, suddenly, some woman come to my mum and ask, " Dah cuti anak kitak kah? Dah HAbis SPM?" what??? Do i still look like im in Form 5?? im 20 years old for heaven sake! and going to 21 next year! aiyak!

what a day! i cant sleep. my whole body is tired. been jogging a lot lately. after the third times, (of jogging session) feels like something stuck in my ass!
Cant walk properly.
Damn it hurts!

movie+movie+movie = movies=too much movie

been watching a lot of dvd lately.
not just to have time passing by.
but, im stressed and i need entertainments.

list of dvds i've watched and its rate.....

the covenant = 60% (thanks to the 4 hotties)
step up = 50% (thanks to the hot dude and cool dance move)
she's the man = 85% (love it love it love it...funny script)
john tucker must die = 50% (okay, the girls are smoooookin' hot, but overall, its boring)
coach carter = 88% (love it love it love it...this movie is based on true story???)
death note = 80% (Raito @ kira @ Light must die!!!. i love you "L")

okay...that's it ...

jinXed pink shirt!

someone has broke my uncle's cars window.
it happen when i was having my history and culture class.
i parked my car, not far from the campus actually.
then , my friend sent my a message saying that someone has broken my car to steal some stuff in it.
lucky for me, it wasnt the player,because i already took it off and kept it some place where i think is safe.
that freakin idiot took the (removable) mirror, the air-filter including the board along with the speaker.
i cant help but feeling guilty the whole day.
my uncle gave me a silent treatment.
it's killing me!

its ironic how the "bad" things happen to me when i wore the exact pink shirt. there was one day, where some guy hit my car when i was wearing that same shirt. i think that shirt is jinx!
im gonna burn that shirt!!! or at least wearing it as pyjamas. im not going out wearing that shirt! EVER! AGAIN!

Mr. Patrus

Had a caunseling session with Mr patrus today.
He was nice.
He was and still is an artist.
But he choose to teach.
And he is also a genius.
Just found out he's the one who do the sculptures at the waterfront.
Im talking to a PRO here.
I guess the quote from jack black in the school of rock movie, "...those who cant Do, Teach! those who cant Teach, teach Gym..." is not working here..to Mr. Patrus
Im inspired!
We were talking about art...mostly.
Its been 14 years since he build that scuplture at the waterfront.
(the metal birds and all that).
His vision is 10 years ahead of us.
Again, im inspired!

FaDe UP

Damn it. I cannot take this anymore. Im too strees out as it is. my room is a mess. Even messier than ever with the notes, the colours, the pens, the papers, the mounting board, the modelling board...OMG...i bought too many stationary already.. Assignment start to pile up..and i only have two hands and one brain.

Social life, ZEROOOOO. Bet it Cant get any worst than that.

I realised most of the LKW students are "hungry" for attention...there's one person who just cant stop butting-in in people's business, and there's another one who is so stupid trying to change's people's life by hving a relationship with a guy who is obviously a jerk...then i suddenly asked her..."Why bother?"

Sometimes, i didnt wanna know or involve with all the "affairs" that going on around the campus but what do i get for being such NOT-NOSY???? some called me "sombong"...

i was like "huh???"

ceh...like i care... what to do...

oh, another thing is...FRIENDSTER is Super-Duper-annoying-thing-??????? and they called it the "IT" thing now???
Especially when there's a picture when everyone is "acting cute", "having a bizzare expressions" and worst...Posing sakan!! ceh...its ok if they took the picture when they're having a great times with their friends, family and celebrities...that is what i called "in the moment"...Cant blame them for that...i think they are just being "greatful-for-having-this-kinds-of-moment"..yea..and i like that..

what else??? oh ya...i think im becoming LIVERPOOL's No. 1 fan...i cant miss their match even it took me to stay up until 2.30am for the kick-off..

Holiday??? somewhere in December...woohoo

~sigh~

cobaan-cobaan

ehem ehem

every time i think of you
i feel shot right through with a bolt of blue
it's no problem of mine, but it's the problem i find
living a life that i can't leave behind
there's no sense of telling me
the wisdom of a fool won't set you free
but that's the way that it goes
and it's what nobody knows
while every day my confusion grow

everytime i see you falling
i get down on my knees and pray
i'm waiting for that final moment
you'll say the words that i can't say

i feel fine and i feel good
i'm feeling like i never should
whenever i get this way
i just dont know what to say
why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
im not sure what this could mean
i dont think you're what you seem
i do admit to myself
that if i hurt someone else
then i'll never see just what we're meant to be

its me and the assignments..

its holiday, but hell a lot of assignments to do. other than times, im lacking of my creative imagination. Like duh...its important. Been listening to panic! at the disco and stabbing westward a lot lately.. Next week, Bulan Puasa Menjelang...its Diet time..hmm masa untuk bertaubat..

kinda sad really..most of my friends will be AWAY this Raya..Aishah(KL), Dina(JOHOR), Imah (RUSSIA), Desmond(MELAKa @ JOHOR>>>i dont know where will he spend his holiday at..), .., .., .., .., who else ar????

Stupid liverpool! they were beaten by the blues..(chelsea)... how come? oh, it is because they play "away" instead of "home".. cheh...that's my opinion la. Oh ya, Bellamy and Kuyt?? Not the best couple so far..Crouch and Bellamy...well maybe.. Oh why oh why. They keep losing and draw and losing and draw..This cannot be happening!!!

>>>mun dah menang, menang jak jak...mun dah kalah, kalah jak jak!!! giney gaya tok>>>

me on a canvas

bad hair day
yes! it is a disaster to every girl.
i cant help it especially when it is a cloudy and windy.

no! everton beat liverpool 3-0! ayaaaaaaaaaaak!
cant wait till tuesday 12/09
liverpool vs PSV
fight O~OH!

my next assignment will be "me on a canvas!"
its really annoying because i have to make a lot of mind-mapping
just to express and analyse who i really am!
i dont even know myself that much..
then i have to paint something that represent ME on the canvas!
after that, i have to do the presentation on the 2nd of oct. Ey?? whose b'day ar???
how troublesome ey!

wooohhhh! next week im going to sematan..for my orientation..
ayo.. why im not happy lei?

new school new rules!

i started to go to school today.(LICT)

it sucks.

met a new friend. (who happen to take Int Design too)

she's from KL. (shah alam)

she's 18.

im not comfortable with the whole environment there.

the students, the lecturers

most students came from all over Malaysia. (Sabah, KL, Bintulu, Miri,Kuching, pluto, jupiter, mars,venus...)

most students have a weird hairstyle and weird dress-sense.

other than that, socialing is the main problem! im not good at making a good first impression >>>>>cause there's nothing to impress about..(belom ada apa-apa, dah nak ada "cyber meet 70's" and a trip to "sematan/lundu") NGAI TEI!

transportation seems like a problem too. fuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

~sigh~

oh ya, most of the students there, love break-dancing...>>>>they even have a club!!

its hard to fit-in!!

there is one boring teacher name "sean"..even by listening to his voice i feel sleepy. He's cute though! but most of my classmates warn me about him...he's strict and serious shit kinda dude!

man, have to spend a lot of money to get all the stationary and the tools...IT COSTS ME A FORTUNE!!!!!

time..

soon! im going to study at Limkokwing studying interior design. Yes, im excited and scared at the same time. But, at the moment, im just using my time... well,most of it, watching some korean/japanese drama through Youtube.com... Yes, its pathedic but i cant help it.

here are some of the series:-
#gokusen
#hana yori dango
#kimi wa petto
#my name is kim sam soon
#full house

Other than that, this coming 31 August will be our national day. Cant wait to see all the fire-crackers..i find it "soothing" in its own way..

i found some NEW hobbies too..
that is, drinking Tea, walking in the rain..(surprisingly, im not running!!), day dreaming and laughing!! wah, what a way to waste my time =p

Well i actually enjoying it! this lonely life of mine..what im trying to say here is.. i have
no more friends to hang around with,
no more smses from anyone.... KIDDING!!!(So, im reluctant to top-up my phone credit)
my cat was having babies..(soo, she kinda ignore me lately),
my mom is working like mad (she'll be retiring soon!),
my cousins will be having their major exams coming,
my grannies ignore me!(hmm dah tua, they couldnt care less about anything!)
my maid ><>

so, there's no one really i can talk too..

it's just my PC and I & MY TIME, MY THOUGHTS, MY DREAMS, MY HOBBIES, MY NEEDS AND OH MY GOD..
im becoming a very very boring person on the planet.. the next time you see or talk to me, you would be saying "YOU BORED ME!!!"

WHOAAAA...WHAT A TIME TO WASTE YA?

AND THE WINNER IS....

REDS CLINCH FIRST SILVERWARE OF THE SEASON
Breakdown
Liverpool 2 - Chelsea 1 *_*
9 mins : GOAL! John Arne Riise: An absolutely outstanding goal from John Arne Riise from outside the box. After stopping a Andriy Shevchenko charge just seconds earlier, Riise ran from well inside his own half right towards the Chelsea area before smashing a low shot beyond Carlo Cudicini.
43 mins : GOAL! Andrei Schevchenko: Clinical finish from the £30m striker after he beat the offside trap
15:03 GMT :half-time reached
60 mins : Substitution: Steven Gerrard for Boudewijn Zenden:
60 mins : Substitution: Xabi Alonso for Jermaine Pennant:
80 mins : GOAL! Peter Crouch: Fantastic cross from Bellamy and Crouch did the rest with a powerful header
15:51 GMT : Match Over

~hmm good game EVERYONE!!!!~
Wahhhhh, i nearly got my prediction right, ey!!!!

chelsea vs liverpool (aug 13, 2006)

FA community shield 2006

ok, surely chelsea has the upper-hand for the up-coming match with liverpool. (5win - 2lose)
still, i believe with RAfa's boys...they can win this match..

shit! john terry, the captain of chelsea team is the next ENGLAND captain. i was hoping it would be Gerrard :(
John terry is a bad boy!! He has a record of assulting in public, overdose drinking and many more nasty stuff..

didier hamman, fernando morientes, djibril cisse were gone..they'd moved on :(
i dont really have a faith with the new/young player in the liverpool's team now.

man, i hate to admit this but i dont think this would be an interesting season for liverpool.
but im looking forward what has RAfa been doing since this is his fourth season with the team

PREDICTION : 1-3 hahahaahhahaha

6 days

~kudos to Dj shadows...this song is brilliant.
i dont even know what this song is all about..NO?~

at the starting of the week
at summit talks you'll hear them speak
its only monday
negotiation breaking down
see those leaders start to frown
it's sword and gun day

tomorrow never comes until its too late (2X)

you could be sitting taking lunch
the news will hit you like a punch
its only tuesday {what time is it??}
you never thought we'd go to war
after all the things we saw
it's april fool's day {what time is it??}

tomorrow never comes until its too late (2X)

you'll hear a whistling overhead
are you alive or are you dead??
its only thursday {what time is it??} [hey, where did wednesday go?]
you feel a shaking underground
a billion candles burn around
is it your birthday?? [let alone friday and saturday]

tomorrow never comes until its too late (XXX)

??????i'm confused??????

reseting my standard (of going out with a guy)

i will not go out with a man who hasn't asked me out first.
*because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.

i will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.
*men know how to use the phone.

i will not date a man who isn't sure he wants to date me.
*"hanging out" is not dating.

i will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable.
*if he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgement isn't impaired.

i will not be with a man who's afraid to talk about our future.
*loves cures commitment-phobia.

i will not, under circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me.
*"i don't want to go out with you" means just that.

i will not date a man who is married ( and other insane variations of being unavailable).
*if you're not able to love freely, it's not really love.

i will not be with a man who is NOT clearly a good, kind, loving person.
*if you really love someone, you want to do things to make that person happy.

~AGREE????~

life's getting harder to live

just got back from KL.
15/7/06
-shah alam-arrived in KL and when straight to shah alam...TIRED
16/7/06
-shah alam-went to the wedding ceremony and later in the evening went to the "landscape exhibition" at lake garden Taman Tasek Perdana KL...AWESOME
17/7/06
-somewhere near serdang-had lunch at some relatives houses...IM FULL
18/7/06
-subang-my aunty haddiah sent me to kak Lina's house. she just moved to a new house, a really really cool house. modern kindda house, 4 storey- detached house with free swimming pool and playground. help her unpacked her and her new hubby's belongings, taking care of her 4-month infant...DAMN TIRED
19/07/06
-subang-didnt had any breakfast there because my kak lina is so fucking lazy to cook and i have to wake up early to send her kids (step-sons) to school (her hubby ask me to drive their new toyota yaris) but anyway, her hubby Bg Hamzah (well, both of them) just cant stop to bossing me around after that. Do this, Do that, Clean this, Clean that!...IM FREAKIN PiSSED
sending "S.O.S" message to my cousin Kak Ruzy to pick me up from hell..yeah hell
20/7/06
-damansara-kak Ruzy with my beloved uncle, WA Hel and Aunt Kate came to the rescue. Went to IKEA and meet Bg Azul there to buy some stuff for his new apartment. Oh, this Bg Azul is my cousin that enggaged last March but last month, he just break off the enggagement. And now im having HUGE, BIG, ENORMOUS crush with him...OOOOOOOOOO
21/7/06
-damansara-Went to "THE CURVE, IKEA, IKANO POWER CENTRE and CINELEISURE" alone and i've been wandering there for about 4 hours...AAAAHHHHH
22/7/06
-damansara- went to midnite bazaar "pasar tengah malam" to buy LIVERPOOL'S t-shirts with Kak Ruzee. Then, i met ALIFF from "one in a million" at some food stall. But i couldnt be bother by him because liverpool vs bayer lev playing live in the espn. liverpool won 3-1...HMMM
23/7/06
-damansara- went to see "pirates of the carribean 2"at cineleisure and saw AHMAD IZHAM OMAR (one of the ceo of 8tv and the positive tone records) at the STARBUCK. had dinner at the THAI'S BASE and then went back to subang..NOOOOOO
24/7/06
IM BACK IN KUCHING

he will never be mine

This guy, was my classmate and a good friend of mine. We've been through so much together. From eating his "birthday egg" on his birthday, joking around until my PA teacher scold us for having too much laughter, playing riddles, sharing our dirty little secrets, doing our homeworks together, failing our exams, visiting my house during Hari Raya and so much more.

~what a memory~

Things change (for me) when we had our first date soon after STPM was over. We went to see a movie and had a candle light dinner. It was the greatest night EVER!!
But still, we are not together. Why? Maybe it because of me trying to play mind-game with him.. you know, give him times to confess..but by that time, it was too late..he's already belongs to someone else.. ~He leave me clueless~

Again, things changed after he leave to KL to further his study. He's been messaging (almost everyday) me.
~hey, its not me who make myself looks available, arrr~

At first i thought he's being flirty and stuff. Never occured to me that he will take a fool like me seriously..things getting serious by then..

And recently, its his birthday..well, to make the story short, we confessed..that we like each other..he knew, that this is going to be very unfair for me

All i can do is nothing. We cant be together because he's attached to another woman, unless i make myself too cheap and ready to share him. (hmm that will be another story la)

Been thinking, its not fair for me, not fair even for "her" to share him. if i can make him to choose between the 2 of us, i will surely lose..
It shouldn't be this way. but these words cant seems to come out whenever i talked to him. sometimes, i just wish i can cut him off from my life..then, i wouldnt have to hurt much.
but...im not ready to loose him as yet..(as a friend)

Another day, goes by..
I realised, most of the things that happened in my life, i didnt do anything about it. NOT A THING. Never take any risk, or even do something about it..
I dont understand why.

I have another life i've got to concentrate..
better stop fooling around b4 this ruin me..
I think I should let it go..