reseting my standard (of going out with a guy)

i will not go out with a man who hasn't asked me out first.
*because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.

i will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.
*men know how to use the phone.

i will not date a man who isn't sure he wants to date me.
*"hanging out" is not dating.

i will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable.
*if he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgement isn't impaired.

i will not be with a man who's afraid to talk about our future.
*loves cures commitment-phobia.

i will not, under circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me.
*"i don't want to go out with you" means just that.

i will not date a man who is married ( and other insane variations of being unavailable).
*if you're not able to love freely, it's not really love.

i will not be with a man who is NOT clearly a good, kind, loving person.
*if you really love someone, you want to do things to make that person happy.

~AGREE????~

life's getting harder to live

just got back from KL.
15/7/06
-shah alam-arrived in KL and when straight to shah alam...TIRED
16/7/06
-shah alam-went to the wedding ceremony and later in the evening went to the "landscape exhibition" at lake garden Taman Tasek Perdana KL...AWESOME
17/7/06
-somewhere near serdang-had lunch at some relatives houses...IM FULL
18/7/06
-subang-my aunty haddiah sent me to kak Lina's house. she just moved to a new house, a really really cool house. modern kindda house, 4 storey- detached house with free swimming pool and playground. help her unpacked her and her new hubby's belongings, taking care of her 4-month infant...DAMN TIRED
19/07/06
-subang-didnt had any breakfast there because my kak lina is so fucking lazy to cook and i have to wake up early to send her kids (step-sons) to school (her hubby ask me to drive their new toyota yaris) but anyway, her hubby Bg Hamzah (well, both of them) just cant stop to bossing me around after that. Do this, Do that, Clean this, Clean that!...IM FREAKIN PiSSED
sending "S.O.S" message to my cousin Kak Ruzy to pick me up from hell..yeah hell
20/7/06
-damansara-kak Ruzy with my beloved uncle, WA Hel and Aunt Kate came to the rescue. Went to IKEA and meet Bg Azul there to buy some stuff for his new apartment. Oh, this Bg Azul is my cousin that enggaged last March but last month, he just break off the enggagement. And now im having HUGE, BIG, ENORMOUS crush with him...OOOOOOOOOO
21/7/06
-damansara-Went to "THE CURVE, IKEA, IKANO POWER CENTRE and CINELEISURE" alone and i've been wandering there for about 4 hours...AAAAHHHHH
22/7/06
-damansara- went to midnite bazaar "pasar tengah malam" to buy LIVERPOOL'S t-shirts with Kak Ruzee. Then, i met ALIFF from "one in a million" at some food stall. But i couldnt be bother by him because liverpool vs bayer lev playing live in the espn. liverpool won 3-1...HMMM
23/7/06
-damansara- went to see "pirates of the carribean 2"at cineleisure and saw AHMAD IZHAM OMAR (one of the ceo of 8tv and the positive tone records) at the STARBUCK. had dinner at the THAI'S BASE and then went back to subang..NOOOOOO
24/7/06
IM BACK IN KUCHING

he will never be mine

This guy, was my classmate and a good friend of mine. We've been through so much together. From eating his "birthday egg" on his birthday, joking around until my PA teacher scold us for having too much laughter, playing riddles, sharing our dirty little secrets, doing our homeworks together, failing our exams, visiting my house during Hari Raya and so much more.

~what a memory~

Things change (for me) when we had our first date soon after STPM was over. We went to see a movie and had a candle light dinner. It was the greatest night EVER!!
But still, we are not together. Why? Maybe it because of me trying to play mind-game with him.. you know, give him times to confess..but by that time, it was too late..he's already belongs to someone else.. ~He leave me clueless~

Again, things changed after he leave to KL to further his study. He's been messaging (almost everyday) me.
~hey, its not me who make myself looks available, arrr~

At first i thought he's being flirty and stuff. Never occured to me that he will take a fool like me seriously..things getting serious by then..

And recently, its his birthday..well, to make the story short, we confessed..that we like each other..he knew, that this is going to be very unfair for me

All i can do is nothing. We cant be together because he's attached to another woman, unless i make myself too cheap and ready to share him. (hmm that will be another story la)

Been thinking, its not fair for me, not fair even for "her" to share him. if i can make him to choose between the 2 of us, i will surely lose..
It shouldn't be this way. but these words cant seems to come out whenever i talked to him. sometimes, i just wish i can cut him off from my life..then, i wouldnt have to hurt much.
but...im not ready to loose him as yet..(as a friend)

Another day, goes by..
I realised, most of the things that happened in my life, i didnt do anything about it. NOT A THING. Never take any risk, or even do something about it..
I dont understand why.

I have another life i've got to concentrate..
better stop fooling around b4 this ruin me..
I think I should let it go..